Here we go with Session 7 of Get Equipped and our last session of Module 3 – Collateral Damage – Who and What Else is Affected? Thank you for hanging in there with me to have this vital conversation and process it amongst your church community!
Let’s Review: In Session 6, we talked about abortion facts, the trauma, the sin, and the loss. We discussed the significant role that the resulting denial often plays in many aspects. We also encourage you to do your own research. The video we showed in Session 6, Redeeming the Unredeemable conveyed much information from the book, Complications: Abortion’s Impact on Women and the Hush Documentary. We encourage you to read that book and watch that documentary as there is so much more information that we don’t have time to cover in this course.
FACILITATOR: PLEASE PAUSE THE VIDEO AND THEN RESUME IT AFTER YOU GO OVER THE QUIZZES ON THE READING MATERIAL FOR PART 1 and answer the discussion question. REMEMBER TO SAVE ANY further DISCUSSION FOR THE REDEEMING THE STORY PART OF THE SESSION.
PART 1: SHAME
We barely touched on this in the last session. But we all experience shame, except perhaps psychopaths.
The definition of shame is: The painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc. done by oneself or another.
Brene Brown, famous for her TED talk on shame says that it is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. In our Abortion Redeemed Healing video, it says “Say No to shame”. Brene Brown’s definition of shame is the kind of shame we need to say No to!
We are going to unpack the two kinds of shame – legitimate and illegitimate.
First, let’s compare Guilt and Shame. Both can be legitimate or illegitimate.
Guilt – has to do with behavior and punishment – “I feel bad that I threw a rock through your window” This is legitimate shame. “I’m so ashamed because my dad molested me.” That is false or illegitimate guilt for the dad’s behavior)
Shame – has to do with character and worthiness – “I am destructive and don’t deserve your kindness,” This could be legitimate shame if you have a habit of telling lies about me. “I am tainted, dirty, a victim.” This is probably illegitimate shame because you are calling yourself names that don’t reflect your worth as a person.
Either kind of shame can keep us from being authentic – It is natural to hide ourselves because we don’t believe we are as worthy as we should be. For instance, Adam & Eve used fig leaves to hide their shame. Shame sometimes causes us to act shamefully. Other times we may try to cover our shame with pride or perfectionism.
Another quote from Brene Brown is, “I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous.” This is a powerful statement but does not distinguish between the two kinds of shame. I thoroughly agree with this statement regarding illegitimate shame.
Legitimate shame comes from sin. It does separate us in our connection with God and others. Legitimate guilt and shame drive us back to God for redemption through repentance. Unrepentance leads to repeated sinful behavior. This is part of the reason for fact that nearly half of women who have an abortion, have at least one more. Such behavior can be the result of an unrepentant lifestyle.
LET’S TALK MORE ABOUT LEGITIMATE SHAME
These Scriptures in this section all come from the NIV.
Legitimate shame is in agreement with God and His ways. Phil 3:18-21 For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Jude 11-13  ”Woe to them! They have taken the way of Cain; they have rushed for profit into Balaam’s error; they have been destroyed in Korah’s rebellion.
 These people are blemishes at your love feasts, eating with you without the slightest qualm—shepherds who feed only themselves. They are clouds without rain, blown along by the wind; autumn trees, without fruit and uprooted—twice dead.  They are wild waves of the sea, foaming up their shame; wandering stars, for whom blackest darkness has been reserved forever.”
Our shame is in contrast to God’s righteousness.
Shame for doing something sinful is the CORRECT response. 1 Cor 15:34 says, “Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God—I say this to your shame.” When we do something against God or others we should feel shame.
As Christians, the correct response to shame is REPENTANCE.. Acts 3:19 “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord. When we repent, God forgives us and cleanses us. If we don’t repent, then we still have reason to be ashamed.”
Repentance requires CONFESSION. Saying “sorry” or just asking forgiveness is not the same thing. When we confess (say what we did with repentance), God forgives us and cleanses us. James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another so that you may be healed…” When we confess to others in safe community it is so that we may be healed.
When we live in shame after repenting, we are saying that what Jesus did on the cross was NOT ENOUGH. Col 2:13-15 says, “When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.”
That is the shame we need to say NO to! Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
The Truth is that anyone who believes in Him will NEVER be put to shame! Believing in Him means that we believe that what He did was enough. Rom 10:11 says, “As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”
ILLEGITIMATE (FALSE) SHAME
Illegitimate shame is feeling shame when we don’t deserve it. It is the enemy’s favorite tactic. It is never in agreement with God or living in His forgiveness but agrees with the enemy. It demonstrates a fear of man, rather than God. The lie (illegitimate or false shame) is that we deserve shame when:
We know Christ and are living a repentant life. 1 John 1:9 we already read. Acts 3:19 says, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.”
It is illegitimate shame when someone does something shameful TO us, like sexual molestation as a child or rape, or even if we were forced to abort our child, we need to say NO to shame. The perpetrators are the ones who will be put to shame. Ps 35:26 says, “May all who gloat over my distress be put to shame  and confusion; may all who exalt themselves over me be clothed with shame and disgrace.” Ps 25:3: “No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame”,
but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. Ps 40:14 “May all who want to take my life be put to shame and confusion; may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace.”.
Someone shames us for something not our fault or for which we have repented. They are only shaming themselves. Ps. 71:13 “May my accusers perish in shame; may those who want to harm me be covered with scorn and disgrace.”.
If we have repented, instead of shame, we should feel ASSURANCE that our shame is covered. Ps 34:5, our verse from last week: “those who look to him are radiant. Their faces are never covered with shame.”. And when we are tempted to feel ashamed, we need to speak the truth to ourselves. Every time.
Illegitimate shame is in DISAGREEMENT with God. 2 Timothy 1:12: “That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.”. Hebrews 12:2: “Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”.
Jesus scorned the shame put upon Him because it was false shame. He just went forward in obedience and God honored Him for it!
FACILITATOR: PLEASE PAUSE THE VIDEO AND THEN RESUME IT AFTER YOU GO OVER THE QUIZZES ON THE READING MATERIAL FOR PART 2. REMEMBER TO SAVE ANY DISCUSSION FOR LATER.
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