PART 2: THE 4 C’S (COURSE GUIDELINES)
Hopefully, you’ve already read The 4 C’s in your manual. If you have not, please read them before Session 2. You will receive a link to fill out an online agreement to these guidelines. This will also be required before Session 2. Please follow along in this section of your manual.
We will cover sensitive topics and some people will be personally and deeply affected.
This is not a healing Bible Study, though it can bring a great deal of understanding. If you have lost child to abortion or were personally involved in one – we suggest going through a healing Bible study before taking this class. Though we don’t include any graphic pictures, some topics we discuss will become triggers for the shame, trauma, or loss you have experienced. These are all addressed in a safe and confidential manner in a healing Bible study. If you choose to continue this course before going through a healing class, please let your facilitator know so that they can cover you in extra prayer and be aware that this course may affect you more than those who have not lost a child to abortion.
1. Our first point is Confidentiality –
Proverbs 11:13 – “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”.
Ecclesiastes 10:20 – “Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird in the sky may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say.”.
a. The only things that may be shared outside of this class include (unless clearly indicated otherwise) the material in the manual and book, ‘Memoirs of a Christian Who Chose Abortion’. The Manual and book are copyrighted but may be shared in context with credit to the author(s) to educate and empower others. Use in any formal setting requires permission.
b. Anything else of personal nature, shared at tables or with any portion of the entire class, must be kept in strict confidence.
c. Even if a participant indicates they don’t mind something being shared outside the class, whoever hears it must maintain confidentiality of the identity of that person and use discretion when sharing it with others.
d. Anything of personal nature shared at a table must not be discussed even with other people from that table unless the person who shared it is present.
e. The only times you may break confidentiality is if it is reported that a child is in danger, or the person sharing has expressed current desire to harm themselves or another person. First, offer to accompany that person to share with a class leader, ministry leader, or pastor. If they are unwilling, then you may do so yourself.
2. Our second point is Commitment –
2 Corinthians 5:19 – “That God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”.
Be committed to:
a. Be physically present at every class if possible. Zoom is only for out of area, illness, or inclement weather
b. PRAY for leaders and all participants.
c. Study the Word regularly to make sure what you are being taught is right.
d. Set aside time to prepare ahead of the class.
e. The reconciliation of others to Christ and to ourselves, not counting others’ sins against them. (2 Corinthians 5:19)
f. Diligence (as in 2 Timothy 2:15)
g. Know what God’s word says vs what the world says or what you may have always BELIEVED.
3. Our third point is Conversation
Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”.
Colossians 4:6 – “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”.
James 1:19 – “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”.
We want to begin and maintain an ongoing conversation on these difficult subjects. We’ve been silent for too long and Satan has had a heyday because of our silence. But we need to do this correctly.
a. GRACE and TRUTH, as a unit, are the guidelines for this conversation. Neither is fully effective or productive without the other.
b. People and perspectives will come from multiple places of experience and knowledge. Remember that the people are always valued even if we don’t agree with their perspective.
c. If you feel someone is in error, speak it only with grace and humility and only by the leading of the Spirit (and backed up by Scripture or facts)
d. Don’t interrupt while someone is sharing except to remind them of limited time.
e. Don’t MONOPOLIZE the conversation. Make time for everyone at your table.
f. Stay focused on the subject.
g. If someone is struggling with a particular topic, be gracious by allowing them to share or not share.
h. Be a safe haven and not a landmine for others. If someone says they don’t feel safe, allow them to express why with no pressure. Respond in humility.
Now is the time for us as the church to begin being a safe haven for people to be free to confess and heal! We are all sinners, it’s just that some sins, though forgiven, have heavy life-long consequences and our humble responses, rather than reactions, are what is so deeply needed here.
4. Our final point is Courage
Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”.
a. Honor one another’s courage. No one is required to share personal info. If they do, it takes a lot of courage. We all need healing in some ways. A reminder here that we have both sexual and abortion healing classes available.
b. Be a SAFE place for others to be courageous. The ground is level at the foot of the cross. Recognize that no one’s sin stinks worse than anyone else’s.
We are all here, as we are. We can’t change our past and we can’t fix ourselves or others. Only Jesus can work our nasty sin into something good. Remember we were made from dirt! Remember if we follow all the previous guidelines, not only this class, but this church will become a safer place to just be real. It takes courage to share what has hurt or damaged us. It takes courage to walk alongside others in their pain, exchanging our prejudice and judgment for inclusiveness and acceptance.
c. Create a culture of humble courage. When we are humbly courageous, we influence others to be humbly courageous.
–The opposite of courage is pride, not cowardice, as you might imagine.
Pride seeks to cover flaws with a false facade. Courage seeks to be authentic and trust that our flaws are covered by the blood of Jesus. With pride, we can’t grow. We remain stuck and stewing in our “stuff.” With courage we learn to accept ourselves in the light of Christ’s work on our behalf on the cross and grow and blossom into the uniquely beautiful and beautifully unique people God created us to be. With courage, we will drop seeds all around and create a harvest more plentiful that we can imagine. Be courageous. Empower others to be courageous. Jesus wins. We win.
LET’S LOOK AT THE 4 C’S – COURSE GUIDELINES – If you have not already done so, you will need to fill out the online agreement to these before Session 2. Your facilitator will provide a link in an email or text.
Some who attend this class have been deeply affected by this subject matter. For this reason along with creating a safe culture of hope and grace, these guidelines must be strictly followed and agreed to by each participant. It is important to NOTE that though this class will bring some healing and understanding for those who have experienced sexual trauma or other kinds of trauma, this is not a “healing Bible study.” Its purpose is to equip us to approach sexuality, pregnancy, and abortion redemptively so we can address it comprehensively and with compassion. If you would like to participate in a healing Bible study, please speak to one of your facilitators privately. We will only cover some highlights of these guidelines in this session. It is your responsibility to read them thoroughly outside of this session. For the moment, just listen to the summary of each point.
1..CONFIDENTIALITY: Being trustworthy is essential. Only use this material in the context in which it is written, remembering it is copyrighted. Please do not repeat anything personally shared in your discussions outside of your class or group.
2..COMMITMENT: Let us work for God’s approval, unashamed, handling the Word accurately. He reconciles us to Himself and commits us to a message of reconciliation to others. Be on time, pray, study the word regularly so you can verify the teaching is correct and you know how to apply it, set aside time to prepare each week, be diligent.
3..CONVERSATION: This course is about building one another up, benefiting each participant, full of grace balanced with truth, listening, not monopolizing discussions, valuing others even if we don’t agree with them, and being a safe haven, rather than a landmine. We must, because of limited time, stay focused on the subject to cover teaching and discussion.
4..COURAGE: We are commanded to be courageous. Honor the courage of others by being safe. A SafeChurch begins with people being humble and creating a culture of humble courage. Remember that the opposite of courage is pride, not cowardice. It is pride that keeps us from stepping out in courage to work through our issues, become the people God called us to be and empower the courage of others.
We will have some great discussion times in these sessions! But we want to get through the material each time, so we ask that you hold any questions or comments until our discussion times. Please use a notecard on your table to write down any questions or comments you would like to discuss. If you don’t have time in class, perhaps your facilitator can cover important matters by email or text.
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